


Scales

by Coby_Thinks



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: I tagged them anyway so sorry, Ive done this twice now, M/M, Remus is only mentioned, Two scenes, Weird Headspace, blergh, idk - Freeform, im pissed cuz my computer keeps erasing the tags, it better fucking post or ill lose my mind, its really just Ro and Dee, might fuck around and have an identity crisis, the others are there for like, this is the third try
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-30
Updated: 2020-01-30
Packaged: 2021-02-27 09:21:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,279
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22484827
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Coby_Thinks/pseuds/Coby_Thinks
Summary: Deceit didn’t have a mirror in his room. He didn’t have a mirror in his bathroom, either. Or in a hallway. Or in anyplace he regularly went. And, really, the reason should be obvious.When Deceit wasn’t looking at himself, it was easy to forget that the scales even existed. It was easy to feel like a regular person - or figment, or whatever - when he wasn’t faced with his own appearance.OrDeceit doesn't like himself. Roman has a problem with that. Angsty shenanigans ensue.Warnings: self-hatred, self-deprecation, self-isolation, but there IS a happy ending!!!
Relationships: Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders/Deceit Sanders, Roceit
Comments: 9
Kudos: 156





	Scales

**Author's Note:**

> Hey'all just a little angsty one-shot that I felt like writing. Not as long as my others, but I still really like it.  
> Enjoy the angst, my lovelies!

Deceit didn’t have a mirror in his room. He didn’t have a mirror in his bathroom, either. Or in a hallway. Or in anyplace he regularly went. And, really, the reason should be obvious.

When Deceit wasn’t looking at himself, it was easy to forget that the scales even existed. It was easy to feel like a regular person - or figment, or whatever - when he wasn’t faced with his own appearance.

The gloves hid the scales on his hands, so he never had to see them. The capulet was just fun to wear, and Deceit was never really faced with his own reflection. That was how he liked it, and that was how it was going to stay.

Unfortunately, Deceit’s plans never did turn out the way he wanted them to.

For instance, he’d never intended to befriend any of the light sides. Yet, he found himself enjoying Roman’s company more and more with each passing day.

Another thing, he’d never meant to fall in love with any of the light sides either.

But here he was. Smitten. 

It was infuriating.

But, Deceit found that certain plans were meant to fail. Such as his self-isolated state. No, he was glad he’d let Roman past the first few walls he’d built around himself. It was nice to have… a friend. For once.

“You in there, Dr. Lies?” Roman laughed, knocking gently on Deceit’s forehead. Deceit blinked, looking up in surprise. “You’ve been spacing out for at least five minutes. For a moment I thought you’d died!”

“Oh, yes, because imaginary people can die.” Deceit rolled his eyes. Roman shrugged, flopping back down onto his bed.

“What were you thinking about, anyway? It must have been something important to distract you from me.” Roman grinned, sharklike and unfiltered. The way he rarely smiled around anyone else. Deceit couldn't help but return it.

“Oh, not much.” He tugged on his sleeves, trying to look anywhere but Roman’s face. 

Unfortunately, his eyes fell on the mirror against Roman’s wall. He jumped, eyes widening for a moment as he took in his own appearance. Oh. oh, yes. That was why they were in Roman’s room, instead of the commons. Why the other sides all hated him. Why Thomas - the person Deceit just wanted to help - hated him.

“Deceit?” Roman rolled over onto his stomach and grabbed Deceit’s chin, pulling his eyes away. Deceit met his gaze reluctantly, a flush spreading over the human half of his face.

“Why do you have so many mirrors about?” He asked, looking to the floor instead. “Doesn’t it get… annoying?”

“So I can see myself, of course!” Roman said grandly. “I want to be sure I always look my very best whenever someone will see me!” his voice softened slightly and he lifted Deceit’s head again. “Why do you ask, my dear Lie Detector? What’s troubling you?”

“Nothing.” Deceit lied. It was easier, that way. Roman scoffed, letting his hand fall.

“You listen to me complain about everything.” he pointed out. “I might as well listen to your one trouble when you need it. What’s wrong?”

“What do you think?” Deceit snapped, glaring back at the mirror. Roman followed his gaze, frowning. Deceit laughed sadly, gesturing to his face. “I never look at my reflection if I can help it, Roman. It just reminds me of everything wrong with me. Of course, you can’t relate because you’re perfect in every way. Everyone loves you. Thomas loves you, you know. He wants you around and he respects you.”

“Dee…”

“No, you can’t lie to me.” Deceit shook his head. “I know everyone hates me. God knows why you don’t. I hate the way I look, but if I forget about it, sometimes I can feel at peace. But I suppose it’s good to remember, sometimes,” he laughed bitterly, staring at the floor once again. “Good to be put back in my place.”

“Dee, look at me.” Roman rolled off his bed and sat on the floor, blocking Deceit’s view of the mirror. Deceit looked up grudgingly, eyebrow raised. “I don’t hate you. I don’t hate the way you look or anything about you.”

“Because you’re stupid.” Deceit muttered. Roman scowled.

“No one hates you, Deceit! I’m not the only person that respects you!” he snapped. 

“Don’t lie to me.” Deceit hissed, though he couldn't sense a falsehood in anything Roman had said. 

“When was the last time you even talked to someone else?” Roman asked. “For months now, I’ve been the only person who even saw you.”

“They know we’re friends?” Deceit stared at him. Roman rolled his eyes.

“Of course they do! They’re my friends too, Deceit. And they’re worried, but everyone is glad you at least have someone. Even Remus says you never talk to him anymore, not since you let him reveal himself.”

“You want me to believe the others don’t hate me?” Deceit asked dully, leaning against Roman’s bed. “You want me to believe that they don’t see a monster whenever they see my face? Look at me!” he reached up, running a finger along his scales.

“I am looking at you,” Roman said softly, following Deceit’s hand up and gripping it gently, rubbing a knuckle across Deceit’s cheekbone. Deceit gasped softly, flushing more than ever. “And I don’t see a monster. I see you, Deceit. And I don’t hate you. I love…”

Deceit looked up, meeting Roman’s eyes. Roman sighed, combing his hair back with the hand he wasn’t holding Deceit’s with.

“I love you. And it kills me to see you like this.”

“D-Don’t.” Deceit pulled his hand from Roman’s, heart pounding. “Don’t lie!”

He wasn’t lying. He knew Roman wasn’t lying. He could tell. Roman was telling the truth, as impossible as it sounded.

“Dee, you know I’m not.” Roman’s voice was sad, and it felt like a knife to the chest. “Please stop doing this to yourself. You are who you are, and that could never be a bad thing.” he reached for Deceit’s hand again, and Deceit let him take it, pulling him into a hug. “I love you.”

“You’re… not lying to me.” Deceit whispered, tears welling up in his eyes and threatening to spill over onto Roman’s immaculate costume.

“Of course not.”

“Why?” Deceit choked out, trying to keep from crying. “Why do you love me? What have I ever done for you? What have I ever done for anyone, Roman?”

“You want us to be happy,” Roman said simply. “That’s all you want. You want Thomas to take care of himself, and to chase his dreams, and to stay safe, and to keep his friends happy. You want everything we do, and it was stupid of us to ever doubt that.”

“I-I…” Deceit tore himself from Roman’s arms, not willing to let his tears fall onto the white fabric he was wearing. Roman stared at him, a heartbroken look on his face. “I don’t care! I hate you, Roman! I’ve always hated you! Everything you know about me is a lie, and I despise you more than I could ever despise anything!”

“Deceit-”

“Leave me alone.” Deceit snarled, sinking out and into his own, mirrorless, bedroom. He collapsed onto his bed, hurling his hat and capulet across the room before curling in on himself, finally letting the sobs wrench from his throat.

His door was locked, as it had been for months now. He locked the other way in so that Roman couldn't sink in and try to lie to him again.

Because it had to be a lie.

It wasn’t a lie.

But there was no way what Roman had told him was the truth. It was impossible. How could anyone love someone who hated themself?

A knock sounded on his door, though Deceit could barely hear it through his own sobs. He’d told Roman to leave him alone. Couldn't Roman understand that? Why would Roman even approach him after everything he’d just said?

“Deceit?”

Deceit shot upright in bed, sniffling and struggling to quiet his breathing.

Patton? What on earth was Patton doing here? Patton hated him most of all. Patton… Patton must hate him so much more if he knew what Deceit had said to Roman. 

Deceit put a hand over his own mouth, silencing himself completely so he didn’t prompt any more conversations. Patton, though, had other ideas.

“I guess you don’t wanna talk, and I get that.” he laughed sadly. “You haven’t wanted to talk to anyone for months now. Except Roman.” he added quickly. “We just wanted to let you… we wanted to give you space. Things have been rough. On everyone. Including you. I expected so much of you, I…”

Deceit stared at the door when Patton started to cry.

“I wanted Thomas to only show his best self at all times, and yet I didn’t want you around at all. That’s impossible, Dee. I’m so sorry. We’re all sorry… Roman, too. I don’t know what you fought about, but I’m sure he’s sorry. Please don’t hurt him because of us. Because of me.”

Patton wasn’t lying either. Deceit hugged himself tightly, staring at the floor of his room.

After a few minutes, Patton left. Deceit listened to his footsteps, as he walked back to the light side’s commons.

Only then did Deceit pull the hand from his mouth, mind spinning. Only then did Deceit look at his hat on the floor, head tilted thoughtfully. Only then did Deceit conjure a mirror, brighten the low lights in his room, and really look at himself for the first time in years.

* * *

It took Deceit over a week to finally go through with his plan. He was scared - as much as he hated to admit it to himself - and he had no idea what would happen when he opened the door. 

He’d kept his room brighter the whole time, and he hadn’t destroyed the mirror. Instead, he’d paced, talking to himself. He’d looked at his reflection, noting features he’d never noticed before, or things he’d exaggerated in his mind.

The hat and capulet he’d updated, a yellow ribbon around the hat instead of a plain black. Intricate designs embroidered into the capulet’s edge, snakes as he embraced the aesthetic they all assumed him to have.

Now, as he stood before the mirror and inspected the reflection, he looked so very different than before.

He still had scales. And mismatched eyes. And he still wore gloves, unwilling to remove them and be reminded constantly. His eyes were tired, red-rimmed from crying. Well, there wasn’t much he could do about that at this point. 

Apart from that, he seemed… brighter. Deceit tilted his head again, heart fluttering uncertainly. More like he imagined himself to look when he wasn’t in front of a mirror. More like himself.

Deceit sighed, closing his eyes as he sunk out and appeared in a hallway, across the mind center from his own, in front of a door he knew was bright red.

He really didn’t know what he was going to say. Or what he was going to do. Or even how he’d be able to repair what he’d broken.

But he wanted to try.

He opened his eyes, staring at the bright red. He could hear voices in the commons, but Roman’s wasn’t among them. 

Deceit braced himself, slowly raising his hand, and winced as the knock echoed through the hallway, silencing the voices in the commons. Of course, Roman would have the most dramatic door in the mindscape. Why not?

“Roman.” Deceit spoke as softly as he could, shoulders hunching as he worried about what he was doing. “I-”

But Deceit barely got through the first part of his apology, when the door flew open and Roman tackled him in a hug, holding him tighter than ever before. Deceit froze uncertainly, but slowly let himself melt into the embrace.

“I’m sorry.” Deceit whispered, shoulders shaking as he tried not to start crying again. “I-I don’t hate you. I never did. I…”

“I know that, love.” Roman pulled back, tilting his head to inspect Deceit’s face. “I can always tell when you’re lying. I know you well enough by now to recognize it.”

“Oh.” Deceit took a shaky breath, staring at the floor. “Well, I still wanted to apologize. So, I’m apologizing.”

“Apology accepted, then.” Roman laughed, brushing tears from Deceit’s face. “I was getting worried.”

“Oh, yeah, take all the worry credit.” Virgil’s sarcastic voice broke the silence behind them and Deceit froze uncertainly. Roman just laughed.

“Okay, okay. We were all worried.” he amended, then pressed a kiss to Deceit’s forehead. Deceit reeled back slightly, blinking a few times. Roman just grinned at him, adorable and sharklike the way he always did.

“Indeed, it couldn't have been healthy for you to be so isolated,” Logan spoke, suddenly at Deceit’s elbow as he inspected the designs embroidered on his new capulet. “Especially the past ten days when you refused to even talk to Roman - this is wonderfully made by the way. Did you do this yourself?” 

“...yes.” Deceit said slowly, turning to face the others in the hallway. Just Virgil and Logan, he noticed in surprise. Then he heard Remus’s cheerful voice from the kitchen and figured he was bothering Patton in there.

“Oh, I hadn’t even noticed you updated your wardrobe!” Roman gasped, spinning Deceit around gently. “You look wonderful!”

“Liar.” Deceit said though he knew Roman was telling the truth. Roman just laughed, then pulled Deceit in and kissed him. A real one, this time. Deceit smiled when Roman’s fingers brushed the scales on his face. For once, not minding the reminder that they existed.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for readingggggg I am still so blown away at the fact that people actually read what I write LMAO I'm fine I promise just in a weird headspace. probs should be nice to myself. so I'll get some candy once I post this.  
> Love you all,  
> -Coby


End file.
